No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
