i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
