she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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