i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
