would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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