I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
