yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
