turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
