I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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