help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I have aggressive nipples.
Randomize
