Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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