you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
