Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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