and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
