Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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