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He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
