A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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