Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
