My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
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We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
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I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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