The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
