got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
