a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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