3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
