if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
