I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
