He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
