It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
