OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize