A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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