this beer tastes like vomit already
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
