No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
My liver just had a heart attack.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
