Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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