so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
