she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
