i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
