you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
