JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
