just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
