I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
