Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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