I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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