He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
