Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
