His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
