honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
