He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Randomize
