Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
