It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Randomize
