Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
