I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
