i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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