I like my sex mixed with concussions.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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