forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.