Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.