I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.