All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?