I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?