I'm really into asian looking animals
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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