Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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