i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Dating After Heartbreak
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit