I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
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i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
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My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships