Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃