We're facebook friends in real life
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
