he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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