if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
