I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
