you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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