Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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