garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
