Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
