Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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