I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
