NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I think I have vodka in my lungs
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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