it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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