wakey wakey hands off snakey
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
