It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
