I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
