she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
