I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
